© 2018 Dr. Patrick Carnes

Dr. Carnes talks about this book

Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction

Every day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, finances, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Many were abused as children - sexually, physically, or emotionally - and witnessed addictive behavior first hand in their early lives. Don't Call it Love includes groundbreaking work by the
nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder.


This essential reading includes not only the revealing findings of Dr.Carnes' research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior.

Excerpt from the book:

"No one sign is proof that sex addiction is present. But as these stories show, usually many of the signs are present concurrently. Taken together, they form a pattern revealing the underlying illness. Sometimes people focus on specific behaviors. As one reporter put it, "How many affairs do you have to have before you are a sex addict?" The question parallels asking how many drinks it takes to be an alcoholic or how many bets to be a compulsive gambler. The answer is not one of quantity but rather of pattern. For example, drinking ceases to be social and becomes problematic and then addictive as out-of-control behavior becomes the norm in the alcoholic's life. The same standards apply in sex addiction."

Customer Reviews

Will answer a lot of questions for partners and SA

By Nancy January 31, 2016

Very informative. I bought this book as the author is considered the expert of experts. I won't bore you with my personal knowledge of betrayal related to sex addiction, which is also known as an intimacy disorder. In order for a person to deal with life a person with an intimacy disorder uses sex, whether it is porn, affairs, a combination of both. I like that this book was able to explain that an addiction is an addiction whether it is from alcohol, drugs, over-eating, gambling, sex, video games or the internet. This is a must read for anyone who thinks sex addiction is a part of a relationship whether as the SA or the partner of a SA. I've read a lot of books on sex addiction. This is one of the best. Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes is also an excellent book. Currently, I am reading Facing Love addiction by Pia Mellody. I highly recommend this book also. I bought all these books from Amazon.

Knowledge is power

By Opinionated2 March 14, 2016

This book helped me begin to understand what was wrong with me after struggling for a lifetime to be free. I have since loved others of Carnes' work: Facing the Shadow, and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. I did not finish reading Part I about what it means to become addicted. It was too graphic and I got the point without needing all of the stories. Part II was about the science and medicine of recovery and it gave me much hope. Also, the model of calling the spouse a coaddict is maybe a little outdated. The models of abuse victim and betrayal trauma have been much more helpful and effective to my wife.